I write to remain silent

From birthing – NICU – being home

I gave birth as scheduled on the 31st, it was not the dream or plan of events that I hoped would happen. First of, the weather was ghastly it was pouring real hard, they could not find my designated anesthesiologist – they had to source one from another hospital – okay that clear, next the epidural I wanted was not available, they had to give me another one. I said OKAY.

The birth itself – she came out crying … then she stopped. (dead silence was the only noise I could hear) the nurses and all the doctors were shuffling left and right, I didn’t know what the f*** was going on, I asked the anesthesiologist where my baby was, she then explained that the baby sucked on a lot of water and they were suctioning it out, OKAY ( this is coming from a very drugged and groggy mother) they were asking me to breathe in and out – I was very much aware of everything so much for being drugged and confused, right?

Then I had this awful taste in my mouth and asked for a cup because I wanted to throw up, I wanted to get up and move about, ahhh yes I just had my c-section and could not feel anything below my waist. GREAT.

The recovery room – I “willed” myself to move my legs because that was the only time they will transfer me to my room – talk about mind over matter right? okay left leg moved, the right cooperated – I was wheeled to my room – my sister and husband patiently waiting for me.

My daughter had to be transferred to the NICU for further observation. I SAID OKAY. This time my heart was tearing apart, my sister told me to keep it together to avoid depression and getting stressed, soooo it begins, I had to give in to sleep. I slept a couple of hours and sat up immediately forgetting I just had my c-section – and yes it was soooo damn painful.

We chose not to have visitors while at the hospital, it wasn’t something we wanted to announce, yeah we told our family and really close friends, we asked for prayers, a few of them ventured in the horrendous rain to check on us. That was greatly appreciated.

Fast forward, my daughter stayed in the hospital for 9 days due to HMD, we visited her everyday, despite the never stopping rain, I cried each night she was not in my arms, I whispered in her ear that she has to get well and breathe on her own – this was the only way we can take her home. The ventilator we paid for was never used (which was good). The pedia-pulmonologist was damn good, her primary pediatrician was remarkable and she was finally cleared to come home with us — the rest is history.

Leave a Reply